5 Ways to Identify Emotionally Immature People

Healthy, genuine, real relationships (both romantic relationships as well as other relationships) are built on trust, respect, and ability to talk about issues. In your relationships with others, have you ever felt that the other person is always blaming you or acting in extremely selfish ways? These might be the signs that the other person is emotionally immature.

Emotionally mature people are often able to manage their emotions. They often talk about how they feel and take responsibility for their actions. These are some of the things with which an emotionally immature person struggle. We bring you five ways to identify an emotionally immature person.

Emotionally immature people tend to blame others

A client of mine used to blame her elder sister for all the failures in her life. If she scored low in her exams, she would blame her sister; if she had issues with her friends, she would blame her sister. This not only resulted in a lot of distress in the client but also led to a strained relationship between the siblings.

Emotionally immature people are often irresponsible and blame others for problems in their lives. If they fail at a task, they blame the people around them. They often have an external locus of control, that is, they attribute their success and failures to external factors such as luck, destiny, chance, etc.

They have struggle expressing their feelings

Emotionally immature people often find it difficult to express their feelings. They are often in denial about how they feel about a person or a situation. They may choose to suppress their emotions instead of expressing them. 

Processing emotions and feelings is an overwhelming process for such people. They often come across as “Be Strong” personalities. Emotionally immature people may feel vulnerable or ashamed when it comes to expressing their emotions or feelings. This may lead them to withdraw or shut down.

The inability to express emotions and feelings may lead to commitment issues in relationships. Talking about the future can feel intimidating to someone emotionally immature. They’ll avoid planning things together because they’re afraid of limiting their freedom.

Emotionally immature people are defensive

Have you come across people who can’t take criticism or may try to prove themselves correct even if they are wrong?

An emotionally immature person may feel hurt or might get offended even at the smallest criticism. They may become defensive if you try to prove them wrong. They may not own up for their action. For example, your co-worker made a mistake during a team project. He doesn’t come forward and accept their mistake.

They may have a victim mentality. Some emotionally immature people may feel that the “universe” has turned against them. In relationships, they may blame the other person for their failures and mistakes.

They have poor impulsive control

Emotionally immature people are impulsive. They often don’t think before acting. They may speak recklessly or may act impulsively without thinking about the consequences. Emotionally immature people are also poor listeners; they may impulsively interrupt the speaker.

It has been observed that emotionally immature people are reckless when it comes to spending money. They may often invest in bad businesses, may purchase things that they do not require. They may not objectively evaluate their investments and have a hard time making long term projections.

They often feel lonely in their relationships

Emotionally immature people often feel lonely in their relationships. Due to their inability to express their emotions and being emotionally detached in their relationship, their relationships with others (both romantic and other relationships) may lack intimacy.

They may feel disconnected in their relationships because they find it difficult to bond with their partners at a deeper level. Most of their relationships are superficial and have only surface level bonding. Have you ever felt that your partner is holding back something or isn’t opening up to you? These might be the signs that your partner is emotionally immature.

How to deal with emotionally immature people?

Once you are aware that the other person is emotionally immature, you may work towards improving your relationship with that person. Initiate a straightforward conversation with the person. Be assertive when you talk to the person and express your needs and wants.

Another thing you can do is create boundaries in your relationship with the other person. By setting boundaries, the other person will realize that some of their behaviors will not be tolerated. Make sure that you reinforce the boundaries.

If nothing works, seek professional help. If the person is willing to work on themselves, addressing issues with a qualified therapist can help them identify their feelings and find healthy coping skills.