How Do You Spend Your Time in Groups?

All of us are part of some or the other kind of groups. Some of us may be part of formal groups such as office groups; some of us may be part of more informal groups such as college groups. Our interaction with members of the group varies from group to group; how we spend time in a group also varies.

Professor Eric Berne gave six ways of time structuring. Time structuring can be understood as ways in which people spend their time when they are in a group. Berne believed that a person needs to structure his/her relationships and time spent with people. The six ways to structure time are withdrawal, rituals, pastimes, activities, games, and intimacy. 

Withdrawal

It happens when a person is physically present in the group but is mentally absent. The person might be there in the group but may not participate in group activities. So for example, you are attending an office meeting. You are physically present in the group but your mind is somewhere else. Your attention is diverted. Some people may also withdraw physically. 

When you withdraw in a group, there is minimal or no interaction with other participants in the group. Withdrawal puts no demands on us to be intimate and so there is no emotional risk involved.

Rituals

Rituals are more structured ways of interaction. Social interaction in rituals appear to be pre-planned and follows a set pattern. A common example of rituals is wishing your parents every morning or greeting your friends every time you meet them. 

In rituals, there is much more interaction with the group or other person than in withdrawal. This interaction also puts you at higher emotional risk (there might be some risks). To understand this, let’s see an example. Imagine you meet your friends. When you see them, you wave at them and say hello. You don’t get a response to this. How would you feel? Some of you might feel disappointed; some of you may wonder what is wrong with the other person. This lack of response invokes a feeling in you and hence puts you in a state of emotional (or psychological) risk. 

Pastimes

In pastimes, people engage in easy and friendly conversations on common and culturally accepted topics. The level of social interaction in pastimes is more than ritual. In pastime people generally discuss here and now (they may talk about weather, politics, news, movies, etc.). There is an exchange of information and knowledge. 

Pastimes can be observed during family dinners, office discussions, meetings with friends, and other forms of structured group discussions. Pastiming is a great way to get to know others and it helps us decide who we want to get closer to and who we want to avoid.

Activities

In activities, group interaction has a predefined goal. In other words, the members of the group, decide a goal (eg. Completing a task, discussing a topic, etc.). The member of the group then sit down and discuss strategies to achieve that goal.

A common example of activities in the office. In an office, when a team is assigned a task, they engage in activities. They set monthly (or quarterly goals) and then decide a plan of action to achieve it. There is high-quality interaction in the group and the members are deeply involved in the processes of the group.

Based on your contribution to the group, a person may be appreciated or criticized. This may put them at higher psychological risks.

Games

We all play psychological games. Games are a sequence of interactions with others that involve a hidden agenda and which end up with both parties experiencing familiar bad feelings. For example, a couple was seeing each other for 2 years. One day the girl leaves the boy for another person and the boy is left heartbroken. The boy is confused because he wasn’t expecting this. 

Games are repetitive and the people playing games are not aware of the interaction. They are often played subconsciously. Have you ever felt disappointed or confused after a heated discussion with someone? Did you feel that the discussion took an unpredictable turn and there were elements of surprise in the conversation? You might be playing subconscious games with the person. 

Games often result in both parties feeling bad about themselves and the situation. There might be a lot of criticism and confusion when two people engage in games. Playing games also put people at high psychological risk. 

Intimacy

Do you have someone in your life with whom you can share anything and everything? Do you have a group of people where you can be yourself? The kind of interaction that takes place in such groups is referred to as intimacy. In intimacy, a person reveals his/her true self. People in such groups express their actual feelings; the level of trust between the members of the group is very high. 

In this form of group interaction, there is no planning or structuring; no one can predict how the group interactions will unfold. Such group interactions also put the members of the group at high psychological risks. 

Next time when you are in a group, observe the kind of interaction you have with the members of the group!