Is Your Man an Overgrown Child?
Understanding Peter Pan Syndrome
How many of you have heard Peter Pan’s story as a child? I am sure some of you would have read it while growing up. Peter Pan was a happy-go-lucky, soft, and effeminate boy who wouldn’t grow up. He tormented Captain Hook (the pirate), broke his heart, and sent him on a self-destructive passage on the side of the ship and into the jaws of carnivorous crocodiles. You can read more about the story here (https://www.britannica.com/topic/Peter-Pan-play-by-Barrie)
People have loved Peter Pan. He is young, playful, and we are drawn to him. But there is another side to this classic character that people have often overlooked. He avoided growing up. He rejected all the things that came along with adulthood!
Peter Pan is a fictional character meant for kids. In real life, all of us need to grow up. Do you know someone who never fully engages with the world? Someone who never seems to settle in a job, never has enough money and is always one step behind everyone else? Someone who scoffs at the idea of having a family, but always seems to be lonely? Someone who drinks too much to try and get away from it all?
Well, this person might be having Peter Pan Syndrome. People with Peter Pan Syndrome, a pop psychology concept, are stubbornly resistant to taking responsibilities of adulthood and adopting social norms associated with growing up. The term was coined by Dr. Dan Kiley who worked with troubled teenage boys. He observed that many of these boys grew up into adults who struggled to take responsibilities of adulthood.
In his book, Peter Pan Syndrome- Men who have never grown up, Dr. Kiley discusses Peter Pan Syndrome, its symptoms, tests to identify people, and how to deal with such people. He discusses the psychological profile of the person experiencing Peter Pan Syndrome. He identified several psychological traits that are common in the person experiencing Peter Pan Syndrome.
Emotional Paralysis
The person experiencing Peter Pan Syndrome finds it difficult to manage and express emotions, that is, they are not expressed in the way they are experienced. For example, anger is often expressed as rage, joy becomes hysteria.
They often find it difficult to express their emotions and feelings in appropriate and acceptable ways. They may express sadness as forced gaiety, or as childish prank or as nervous laughter.
As the person grows up, he may not choose to express their feelings and emotions. They may lose touch with their emotions and simply don’t know what to feel.
In older adults, procrastination often results in overworking. They try to compensate for their past procrastination by working extra or by doing something or the other. They simply don’t know how to relax
They are often detached in their romantic relationships. They are involved only at surface level with their partners.
These traits were identified by Dr. Dan Kiley. You can read more about Peter Pan Syndrome in his book, Peter Pan Syndrome: The Men Who Don’t Grow Up.
Peter Pan Syndrome was first identified in the 1970s-80s. It is still relevant today. It is more common in males but is not exclusive to males.
If you know someone who has symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome, reach out for help. Individual as well as family counseling have proven to be effective in such cases.
Do let us know what you think about this!
They often find it difficult to express their emotions and feelings in appropriate and acceptable ways. They may express sadness as forced gaiety, or as childish prank or as nervous laughter.
As the person grows up, he may not choose to express their feelings and emotions. They may lose touch with their emotions and simply don’t know what to feel.
Procrastination
People with Peter Pan Syndrome do not have clear life goals; they often give up on their work and often procrastinate with the task at hand. There is no sense of clarity concerning goals and careers. They often avoid or delay conversations about adulthood responsibilities.In older adults, procrastination often results in overworking. They try to compensate for their past procrastination by working extra or by doing something or the other. They simply don’t know how to relax
Social Impotence
People with Peter Pan Syndrome do not have true friends. In the early years of their lives, they are often led by their peers. They often act impulsively.
They are often detached in their romantic relationships. They are involved only at surface level with their partners.
Irrational Thinking
People with Peter Pan Syndrome often say things like, “If I don’t think about this, it will go away” or “If I think it will be different, then it will be.” They often engage in irrational thinking. They often blame others for things happening in their lives. They find it difficult to accept their mistakes and rectify them.These traits were identified by Dr. Dan Kiley. You can read more about Peter Pan Syndrome in his book, Peter Pan Syndrome: The Men Who Don’t Grow Up.
Peter Pan Syndrome was first identified in the 1970s-80s. It is still relevant today. It is more common in males but is not exclusive to males.
If you know someone who has symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome, reach out for help. Individual as well as family counseling have proven to be effective in such cases.
Do let us know what you think about this!
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